Today I hate Starbucks pastries, which look sumptuous in the display case but, upon purchasing, turn out to be dull and tasteless, as though Starbucks carefully zapped each scone and croissant with a Deliciousness Cancellation Ray.
My greatest disappointment came a while back when I bought a chocolate old-fashioned doughnut and rammed it into my face with gluttonous intent, only to find it dry and bland. How do you fuck up an old-fashioned doughnut? Hy-Vee and King Soopers make delicious OFDs, full of greasy chewy crunchy sugary goodness, but the world's biggest coffee retailer can't manage the feat? Or figure out how to buy pastries from someone who can?