Today I hate my retardo phone. You see, I've learned the hard way that if you rub its little phoneclit (also known as the "on” key) for a few seconds, it will get very excited and have a little phonegasm (also known as “calling 911”). I don't do this on purpose, of course, but due to the complicated physics properties of my left pants pockets,* it happens every so often by accident. I know when it happens because I get a call back from the Denver Police Department, which I do not answer.
Right now you are saying, "Hey, why don't you lock your phone's keypad?" Ha ha, I am way ahead of you! I do lock the keypad, of course, but the phonegasm function works even when the keypad is locked. Which would seem to defeat the purpose of locking the keypad. But what does a Harvard dropout like me know?
*Or occasionally when I'm enjoying some frottage on the C train.