Today I hate Harvard University,* which keeps sending me alumni fundraising letters and leaving voicemails asking for money. Hey, Harvard -- you are aware that I didn't graduate, right? Don't you think it would be a good idea to keep lists of such things? But, while we're on the topic, I'll offer you a deal: I send you a few lousy bucks to add to your bloated $28.8 billion endowment, and you send me a diploma. Whaddya say?
*EXPLANATORY NOTE FOR CANADIAN READERS: Harvard is America's McGill.