Today I hate Starbucks pastries, which look sumptuous in the display case but, upon purchasing, turn out to be dull and tasteless, as though Starbucks carefully zapped each scone and croissant with a Deliciousness Cancellation Ray.
My greatest disappointment came a while back when I bought a chocolate old-fashioned doughnut and rammed it into my face with gluttonous intent, only to find it dry and bland. How do you fuck up an old-fashioned doughnut? Hy-Vee and King Soopers make delicious OFDs, full of greasy chewy crunchy sugary goodness, but the world's biggest coffee retailer can't manage the feat? Or figure out how to buy pastries from someone who can?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Today's workout
Went to a couple of bookstores to read about injury prevention, stretching, knee rehab, and such cheerful topics. Cracked a smile looking at The Russian Kettlebell Challenge: Xtreme Fitness for Hard Living Comrades by hirsute yet balding strongman Pavel Tsatsouline ("Master of Sports," which is apparently a real title in Russia). You owe it to yourself to look at the cover of his book.
Monday, March 30, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate when my employer starts blocking Facebook. Facebook, for chrissake... that's like blocking YouTube, or Hot Chicks with Douchebags, or PornHub! Tomorrow I'm sending an angry e-mail to the IS department demanding that employees be allowed to visit Facebook because... erm... because the productivity... uh... job satisfaction... maybe I better sleep on this.
Today's workout, also yesterday's, and the day before
Nothing. Yeesh, I feel lazy. Gotta get back at it. Tomorrow. Or the next day.
Hours this week: 3
Hours this year: 151.5
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 583
Hours this week: 3
Hours this year: 151.5
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 583
Sunday, March 29, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (March Madness Edition!)
Today I hate the term "Elite Eight," as used to name the round of the NCAA basketball tournament between the Sweet Sixteen and the Final Four. Am I the only person to notice that, even though "Elite" and "Eight" start with the same letter, they don't start with the same sound? The name smacks of desperation -- one imagines dull-witted journalists combing the "E" section of the dictionary to find a superlative to go with "Eight." Can't we just call the third round the Quarterfinals, or -- as The New York Times renders it -- the Round of Eight?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate the phrase "first off," as in "Billy asked me to the prom, and I said, 'first off, I don't date pedophiles."
I don't know why I dislike this phrase. Maybe because nobody ever says, "Second off," or "third off."
I don't know why I dislike this phrase. Maybe because nobody ever says, "Second off," or "third off."
Friday, March 27, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Positive Friday!
Today I love that when a hockey player gets called for a penalty, it's not enough that he has to leave the ice for two minutes -- he actually has to sit alone in a little box, apart from the other players, without any comic books or crossword puzzles, and think about what he did.
Also, I love Albi the Racist Dragon. Har!
Also, I love Albi the Racist Dragon. Har!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate when I tell someone that I'm training for a 24-hour race, and they say, "Oh... so... is that... is it to raise money for charity?" No, I explain patiently, it's an athletic competition, not the Avon Walk. (Not that there's anything wrong with the Avon Walk. But what I'm doing is quite different.)
Now, as it happens, my world record attempt probably will raise money for charity, just like most races. The Boston Marathon, for example, raises money for several charities, including Habitat for Humanity and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. But if I said I was training for the Boston Marathon, nobody would ask if I was doing it as a fundraiser, would they?
Now, as it happens, my world record attempt probably will raise money for charity, just like most races. The Boston Marathon, for example, raises money for several charities, including Habitat for Humanity and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. But if I said I was training for the Boston Marathon, nobody would ask if I was doing it as a fundraiser, would they?
Today's workout
Nothing. I got out of work at noon due to a snowstorm, and I've spent my afternoon in sweat pants and Mammoth jersey, puttering about doing household chores and watching movies ("Death of a President" is a surprisingly complex film). I've decided to spend this week resting (read: pouting and eating garbage) and next week it's back to the action, Jackson.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Today's workout
22-mile bike commute. The morning ride was fine, but on the ride home I had to gear down to avoid pain in my knee. The pain was very minor, but at that low power output I shouldn't have any pain at all. I had been planning to go the gym for a yoga class or a core workout, but my aching knee and the chilly weather put me in a bad mood, so I came home instead.
My knee is not badly injured. I barely notice it during my daily routine, and during most skating workouts it's more annoying than genuinely painful or debilitating. Sometimes I feel like a wuss for breaking training for something that seems so minor. But I've been an endurance athlete for most of my life, and I have to trust my instinct when it tells me that, in its current condition, my knee can't handle four more months of vigorous training, including long skates of up to 10 hours.
I hate being injured. I hate not knowing how much time my knee will need to heal, and how it will affect my world record attempt. I hate missing out on the sense of accomplishment and progress that regular workouts bring. My body has become accustomed to massive quantities of exercise, and without my fix of physical exertion, I get headaches and tinnitus from unrelieved stress. And when I'm feeling depressed and adrift, I eat junk food to make myself feel better, a tactic that works wonderfully for as long as 8 seconds.
I'm trying not to get too down about this, because in the universe of possible problems this is a small one to have. I'm thinking positively about solutions. I'm trying to learn a lesson about letting go of attachment to silly achievements. I'm trying.
My knee is not badly injured. I barely notice it during my daily routine, and during most skating workouts it's more annoying than genuinely painful or debilitating. Sometimes I feel like a wuss for breaking training for something that seems so minor. But I've been an endurance athlete for most of my life, and I have to trust my instinct when it tells me that, in its current condition, my knee can't handle four more months of vigorous training, including long skates of up to 10 hours.
I hate being injured. I hate not knowing how much time my knee will need to heal, and how it will affect my world record attempt. I hate missing out on the sense of accomplishment and progress that regular workouts bring. My body has become accustomed to massive quantities of exercise, and without my fix of physical exertion, I get headaches and tinnitus from unrelieved stress. And when I'm feeling depressed and adrift, I eat junk food to make myself feel better, a tactic that works wonderfully for as long as 8 seconds.
I'm trying not to get too down about this, because in the universe of possible problems this is a small one to have. I'm thinking positively about solutions. I'm trying to learn a lesson about letting go of attachment to silly achievements. I'm trying.
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate that I was going to write a post about how much I hate the ads on Facebook,* and then today on Facebook there’s an ad for “This American Life Live,” which I totally want to see, so I clicked on the ad. Dammit.
*I don’t mind that there are ads on Facebook, as long as Facebook remains free. But I hate the particular ads on Facebook -- it’s one of the most popular sites on the internet, and the best advertisers they can get are cheesy dating sites and “get your stimulus check” scams? It’s like watching the ads on daytime cable TV. Pretty soon FB will be running ads for shady personal-injury law firms.
*I don’t mind that there are ads on Facebook, as long as Facebook remains free. But I hate the particular ads on Facebook -- it’s one of the most popular sites on the internet, and the best advertisers they can get are cheesy dating sites and “get your stimulus check” scams? It’s like watching the ads on daytime cable TV. Pretty soon FB will be running ads for shady personal-injury law firms.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Today's workout
22-mile bike commute. Took it easy and my knee mostly felt okay, although my right quad felt a little sore after the morning ride. I tried the patellar strap for the evening ride and removed it before I went far -- it was uncomfortable and my knee hurt a little with it on.
Weighed in at 151 this morning, down 1 pound from two weeks ago, and no change from last week.
Weighed in at 151 this morning, down 1 pound from two weeks ago, and no change from last week.
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (Opposite Edition!)
Today I love Augusta Ada King, Countess of Lovelace -- the first computer programmer. Did you know that the first computer programmer was a woman? Today is Ada Lovelace Day, when I and 1,620 other people have pledged to blog about the achievements of this brilliant scientist, or at least to link to her Wikipedia page. While you're there, why not also read about Marie Curie, Grace Hopper, and Barbara McClintock? Then, go make your daughter do some algebra problems.
Monday, March 23, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate that all countries use the Roman alphabet, and sometimes even the English version of their countries’ names, on their national sports teams’ jerseys for the Olympics, or the World Cup, or other international competitions. I noticed this again last night while watching the USA-Japan game at the World Baseball Classic. How cool would it have been if the Japanese players had been wearing jerseys with their nation’s name spelled out in… oh, I don’t know… Japanese? Instead the jerseys said “Japan”* (although I noticed that the McDonald’s ad on the sides of their helmets was in Japanese).
How would we like it if America’s national teams played in jerseys that said “EEUU” or something unintelligible (to us) in Arabic or Korean lettering? The only national team I know of that ignores the Roman alphabet is Russia’s hockey team, which follows the tradition of the Soviet Union’s terrifying “CCCP” jerseys by rendering its nation’s name in Cyrillic calligraphy. Is it any coincidence that the resulting jersey is super-sweet?
*Oddly enough, it seems that Japanese baseball teams, playing each other in Japanese baseball leagues, use English names and Roman lettering on their uniforms.
How would we like it if America’s national teams played in jerseys that said “EEUU” or something unintelligible (to us) in Arabic or Korean lettering? The only national team I know of that ignores the Roman alphabet is Russia’s hockey team, which follows the tradition of the Soviet Union’s terrifying “CCCP” jerseys by rendering its nation’s name in Cyrillic calligraphy. Is it any coincidence that the resulting jersey is super-sweet?
*Oddly enough, it seems that Japanese baseball teams, playing each other in Japanese baseball leagues, use English names and Roman lettering on their uniforms.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Today's and yesterday's workout, and also the day before
Friday and Saturday: I rested.
Today: Rode my bike to the gym for leg strength, core strength, balance, and stretching. Time 1:30.
I get occasional twinges in my left knee, but if I stay in low gears on the bike it feels fine. I picked up a patellar ligament strap -- according to the reading I've done, this eliminates pain for some people. I wore it while riding my bike today but it's hard to tell if it's doing any good.
Unfortunately, it now feels like I've slightly strained a muscle in my right quad. I'm going to take this next week even easier then this week -- no leg strength, just easy bike commuting and stretching and balance exercises along with core exercises and maybe some yoga. I've been thinking a lot about what this all means for my record attempt and I'm hoping to post something about that in the next few days.
Hours this week: 5
Hours this year: 148.5
Miles skated this week: 6
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 536
Today: Rode my bike to the gym for leg strength, core strength, balance, and stretching. Time 1:30.
I get occasional twinges in my left knee, but if I stay in low gears on the bike it feels fine. I picked up a patellar ligament strap -- according to the reading I've done, this eliminates pain for some people. I wore it while riding my bike today but it's hard to tell if it's doing any good.
Unfortunately, it now feels like I've slightly strained a muscle in my right quad. I'm going to take this next week even easier then this week -- no leg strength, just easy bike commuting and stretching and balance exercises along with core exercises and maybe some yoga. I've been thinking a lot about what this all means for my record attempt and I'm hoping to post something about that in the next few days.
Hours this week: 5
Hours this year: 148.5
Miles skated this week: 6
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 536
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (At Least It's Right Twice A Day Edition, Part the Fourth)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate the green tea latte at Starbucks, which comes in an alarming bright green color and somehow tastes like fish. How is it possible to combine green tea and milk to produce a fishy flavor? I took two sips and dumped the stuff in disgust -- I could have sworn they blended a sardine into the thing.
Friday, March 20, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (March Madness edition!)
Today I hate most scoring systems for March Madness pools, which usually work something like this: 10 points for first-round winners, 20 points for the second round, 30 points for the third round, etc. Why not divide out the 10 -- the greatest common divisor, yo -- and award 1 point, 2 points, 3 points, and so on?
Or maybe basketball itself should copy the pools and start counting 20 points for field goals, 10 points for free throws, and 30 points for long-range field goals. How thrilling it will be when Connecticut beats Gonzaga 770-680 in the title game, with Stanley Robinson scoring 350 points for the Huskies!
I think I’ll start a March Madness pool that scores 17.718 points in the first round, 35.436 points in the second round, 53.154 points in the third round… stop me when this becomes hilarious…
WIHT BONUS! I’m learning to play Bridge, which suffers from the same problem: 30 points for tricks in Spades and Hearts, 20 points for tricks in Clubs and Diamonds, 40 points or 30 points for No Trump tricks, bonuses of 700 or 500 points… divide out the 10, dammit!
Or maybe basketball itself should copy the pools and start counting 20 points for field goals, 10 points for free throws, and 30 points for long-range field goals. How thrilling it will be when Connecticut beats Gonzaga 770-680 in the title game, with Stanley Robinson scoring 350 points for the Huskies!
I think I’ll start a March Madness pool that scores 17.718 points in the first round, 35.436 points in the second round, 53.154 points in the third round… stop me when this becomes hilarious…
WIHT BONUS! I’m learning to play Bridge, which suffers from the same problem: 30 points for tricks in Spades and Hearts, 20 points for tricks in Clubs and Diamonds, 40 points or 30 points for No Trump tricks, bonuses of 700 or 500 points… divide out the 10, dammit!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Today's workout
To the gym for leg strength, core strength, stretching, and balance. I've eliminated jumping exercises (they can aggravate the kind of knee pain I'm having) and added leg extensions where I lower the weight slowly (this develops the VMO quad muscle, which some people think can stabilize the knee). Time 1:30.
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate this copy on the back of the Altoids Smalls tin: “35% FEWER CALORIES THAN OUR REGULAR MINTS. CALORIE CONTENT HAS BEEN REDUCED FROM 0.8 TO 0.5 CALORIES PER 0.2g OF MINTS.”
This is too obvious to bother typing out, but anybody trying to lose weight by saving 0.3 calories per breath mint has a long row to hoe. A long and very stupid row.
This is too obvious to bother typing out, but anybody trying to lose weight by saving 0.3 calories per breath mint has a long row to hoe. A long and very stupid row.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today's workout
Skated a couple of slow laps at the park. The idea was to find out if I could skate slowly without my knee hurting. The answer is no.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy
Today I hate soccer jerseys that would be totally cool if they didn't have a huge corporate logo pasted smack in the middle of the chest. Check out this Arsenal jersey, for example: not only is Arsenal a sweet name for a team, but the cannon logo is very classy. Too bad it's relegated to a tiny crest over the left titty, its coolness overshadowed by the enormous "Fly Emirates" slogan that dominates the design.
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