Race of Truth

Today's workout

2009-05-25T20:03:00.002-06:00

Spent Memorial Day listening to the rain and executing The Great Purge of 2009: I sorted through all my possessions and accumulated a massive pile of useless crap to be thrown away. It feels great to lighten the load! What doesn't feel so good are my shoulders -- even light housework has them singing. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.

I'll do some stretching and balance work here pretty soon. Time 0:30.

Last week's workouts

2009-05-25T19:38:00.003-06:00

I haven't been posting my workouts regularly because it's frustrating to report on so much unsuccessful activity.

Friday: Nothing much, just the daily stretching, balance, and quad exercises. Time 0:30.

Saturday: Went to the Wash Park rec center for a 75-minute beginning yoga class. A couple of friends had recommended these classes as being good quality for a good price: just $3 per class! There were maybe three dozen people in the class -- mostly middle-aged women -- and the energy in the room was very positive. The class was quite easy and I left thinking that I would try the intermediate class the next week, maybe even the power class. Then Sunday happened.

After yoga I went to the gym for lower body weights and core exercises. Time 3:00.

Sunday: Went to the gym for a 30-minute Pilates class, then a 60-minute yoga class. This was a mistake because in both classes we did a lot of work in plank, down dog, and other positions that required me to support my body weight with my arms, which strains my shoulders. By evening both shoulders were aching badly. The pain doesn't seem to be in the shoulder muscles, but in the joints themselves -- I think I may have strained both rotator cuffs.

In between classes I tried to use the elliptical but had to give up after 5 minutes because my knee was hurting. Grrr.

I think I can continue to do Pilates as long as I skip the positions that work the arms, but I'll have to scratch that yoga class entirely, which is a shame because I really liked it -- it was much more active and demanding than the Iyengar classes. The Iyengar classes present much less impact to my body, though, so I'll stick with those for now.

Time 1:45.

Hours this week: 9.75
Hours this year: 222.75
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 815

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-21T23:12:00.003-06:00

Today The Awesome is the sweet membership deal I just got from 24 Hour Fitness. When I joined 24 Hour in 2006, I paid $720 for a three-year membership, which was a good deal -- just $20 per month. Even better: at the end of the contract I could renew for a year for $99 -- less than $9 per month. I thought that was pretty cheap until I got a notice last week that if I paid for the renewal up front, I could pay just $49. For a year. That’s right; for $4 -- for less than the price of a venti skinny half-caf latte -- I get to use the gym for an entire month. Given the frequency with which I go to the gym, that’s about 25 cents per visit.

Today's workout

2009-05-21T22:59:00.003-06:00

To the gym. My shoulders had been feeling okay after some rest, but during a set of lat pulldowns my left shoulder flared up and I had to scuttle the rest of my upper-body exercises, because they all work the shoulders to some extent. So I did the leg lifts and some stretches and balance work and called it a night.

So let's review: I can't skate, run, bike, or even use the elliptical because of my knee. And until my shoulder heals I won't be able to swim. So for cardio that leaves walking and maybe pool running if I want to spring for a flotation belt. Grrr! I'll say it again: getting old and fragile sucks.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-20T22:24:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is 5318008. Typing this into a calculator and turning it upside down never fails to fill me with adolescent glee.

Today's workout

2009-05-20T22:23:00.000-06:00

90-minute yoga class. Highlight: hanging upside down on the rope wall.

My knee hurt today just walking around. Grrr.

Weighed in at 152 today, down 1 pound from last week.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-19T22:19:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is the relatively new practice of putting marathoners' names on their race numbers, so spectators can say, "Looking good, Dave!" instead of "Looking good, number 3422!" Why did it take us so long to think of this?

Today's workout

2009-05-19T22:14:00.002-06:00

To the gym, where I used the elliptical machine for 30 easy minutes. My knee was hurting a little. That's not a good sign, when the elliptical machine hurts your knee.

Then an hour of Pilates. I felt very stinky -- I was wearing the same shirt I wore to run on Sunday, plus my feet stunk, and I had to fart (although, due to a massive application of willpower, I was able to hold it).

Today's workout

2009-05-18T22:10:00.001-06:00

Just some core exercises on the ball. My quads hurt after yesterday's run so I'm skipping the quad isos today. Time 0:15.

Saturday's and Sunday's workouts

2009-05-18T21:42:00.002-06:00

Saturday: Swam 1000 meters at the gym, then core exercises. Time 1:15.

Now I'm worried about my shoulders. Both of them hurt, especially the left one, which is not surprising given that heretofore my shoulders haven't seen any heavier action than the occasional act of self-abuse, and now they're getting two swimming workouts and two weightlifting workouts a week. I think I'll back off till they recover, then build up more slowly. Getting old and fragile sucks!

Sunday: Ran the anchor leg for a relay team at the Colorado Colfax Marathon: 7.6 miles in 70 minutes (9:15 pace) at 80% heart rate. I really didn't want to run because of my janky knee, but I didn't want to let the team down either, so I decided to take it easy and walk if I needed to. My knee felt stiff and painful after the first mile, but in the second half it loosened and I was even able to push the pace a little bit. Last year I ran this same race in 58 minutes, but this year I was just happy to finish without hurting myself.

My legs felt pretty hashed after the race -- I haven't run that far since... uh... well, since last year's Colorado Colfax Marathon relay -- so I took the rest of the day off.

Hours this week: 11.25
Hours this year: 213
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 812

Today's workout

2009-05-15T23:59:00.002-06:00

To the gym, where I swam 1200 meters in 34 minutes, then lifted weights. I'm feeling more comfortable in the water than I ever have before, although of course I'm still painfully slow. I swim a length using freestyle, then a length using backstroke to rest -- if I swim freestyle constantly I tire too fast and I start hyperventilating because I still haven't figured out the breathing. Time 2:45.

Today's workout

2009-05-14T22:57:00.001-06:00

Walked to the park and ran an easy lap. I had wanted to do two laps, but my knee hurt so I quit early. Grrr.

Then I walked home and did a routine of core exercises on the balance ball. Time 1:15.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-13T23:42:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is the fact that Häagen-Dazs is not -- as I always assumed from its name -- a Scandinavian company. It was founded in the Bronx by Polish immigrants, who made up a Scandinavian-sounding name^W that they correctly thought would impress Americans who think that everything European is sophisticated and delicious.

Speaking of Häagen-Dazs, today The Awesome is also their new Five ice cream, which is made with just five ingredients and is quite tasty -- not as rich as their regular stuff, and it's not crammed full of cookie dough or chocolate fish, but it sings with a delicious simplicity.

Today's workout

2009-05-13T23:38:00.003-06:00

A 90-minute yoga class. Would have been a great day to ride my bike. Grrr.

Also did my daily leg-strengthening exercise, and iced and massaged my knee.

Weighed in at 153, up 2 pounds from last week.

Yesterday's and today's workouts

2009-05-12T23:24:00.001-06:00

Yesterday: Just my daily leg exercises and whatnot.

Today: Bike commute. Knee hurt, especially near the end of the ride home. I think I'll have to give up the bike for a while.

Then to the gym for an hour of Pilates.

Last week's workouts

2009-05-12T22:51:00.002-06:00

Friday: Just some personal upheaving.

Saturday: Walked to Wash Park for an easy running loop, then walked home.

Sunday: To the gym for a 30-minute Pilates class. Then in the pool and swam 1100 meters (about 35 minutes). This was kind of a pain because the pool is tiny -- just three lanes -- and I had to share a lane with a very attractive lady. This might not seem like a bad thing, but at one point I was backstroking and accidentally put my hand on her thigh while she was swimming the opposite direction, which made me feel like a prevert. After the swim I lifted weights. Time 2:30.

Hours this week: 8.5
Hours this year: 201.75
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 797

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-07T20:22:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is becoming briefly obsessed with watching strings of highlight videos on YouTube of obscure sports, such as badminton (an absurdly entertaining game to watch), or team handball (shouldn't they shrink the size of that goal? Why bother having a goalie at all?), or, uh, inline speedskating.

Today's workout

2009-05-07T20:09:00.003-06:00

I had to work late, so in the interest of catching up on sleep I decided to skip the gym and come straight home. Upon walking through the door, I immediately executed the Eighth Habit of Highly Effective People: staring at my Lexulous rack for 20 minutes until I found a bingo (TENACES for 67 points). I resolve to get to bed by 10:00, though.

I suppose I'll ride my bike to work in the morning -- I hope my knee doesn't hurt. Bike commuting is such an efficient way to get a workout that I hate to let it go.

Weighed in at 151 this morning, down 1 pound from last week.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-06T22:24:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is a lacrosse goalie making a save and then dashing the length of the field to score at the other end. The Awesome Plus is when the goalie makes this play not against some doormat, but in the NCAA tournament against lax powerhouse Syracuse. The Awesome Double Plus is when the goalie is Andrew Goldstein, a two-time All-American who is openly gay.

Today's workout

2009-05-06T22:21:00.002-06:00

Walked to Wash Park, then ran an easy 2.5-mile loop and walked home. Then rode my bike to the yoga studio for a 90-minute class. This was my first level 1 class, and there were nine students -- six of which were guys. My knee felt fine for the run, but during the bike ride it felt weird and definitely ached afterward. I'm going to ice and massage it and skip the bike commute tomorrow. Grrr.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-05T22:48:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is putting away the winter gear, and the very real possibility that I might be able to sleep all night with the window open.

Today's workout

2009-05-05T22:44:00.001-06:00

Bike commute... knee hurt a little, so I took it very easy. Then to the gym for an hour of Pilates.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-04T22:18:00.001-06:00

Today The Awesome is playing bingos across triple-word scores. TECHNOS for 106, yo!

Today's workout

2009-05-04T21:50:00.001-06:00

Day off, just some leg exercises.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-03T23:00:00.003-06:00

Today The Awesome is Supreme Court Justice David Souter, mostly for having the good sense to retire after George W. Bush left office -- why, Sandra Day O'Connor? Why??? -- but also for foregoing the debauched life of fast cars and easy sex that most retired jurists enjoy. Souter will retire to rural New Hampshire, to a house that could have been Ed Gein's summer home:

Happy retirement, Justice Souter!

Today's and yesterday's workout

2009-05-03T22:40:00.006-06:00

Yesterday: To the gym for weights, stretching, core, and balance. I'm now doing bench presses with a lonely 2.5-pound weight on each side, which is somehow more embarrassing than an empty bar. Time 2:15.

Today: Potpourri day! 30-minute Pilates class. Then a 30-minute walk/run with April. Then a 30-minute swim (1000 meters), which went better than expected -- my freestyle is not nearly as bad as I thought (although it's still pretty bad). Then 15 minutes slow running on the treadmill, which I quit because my knee was feeling janky. Then I rode my bike a bit. Time 2:15.

On Wednesday I weighed in at 152, no change from last week.

Hours this week: 14.5
Hours this year: 193.25
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 775

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-05-01T21:05:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is the Crunch Crisp, my new favorite candy bar. Remember those cheap candy bars that you used to get that had about 1,000 pink/vanilla/chocolate wafers in a huge plastic package? The Crunch Crisp is like that, but jacked full of steroids and blessed by Jesus. I ate all of the Crunch Crisp fun-size bars out of my boss' candy dish, so she bought me my own bag. Begone, foul temptress!

Today's workout

2009-05-01T21:03:00.002-06:00

Bike commute, and that's it, except for some leg exercises which I'm doing every day to strengthen my quads, which should help my knee. That's good because my knee felt janky on my bike ride today -- grrrr...

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-30T22:55:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is playing a game for Lexulous (read: fake Scrabble) against the daughter of the guy who used to manage your dad's sprout-growing business in Iowa. Witness the power of Facebook!

Today's workout

2009-04-30T22:51:00.002-06:00

Went to the gym and did the FrameWorks strength & flexibility program. I got through all the exercises in 80 minutes this time, way down from 2 hours. Afterward I did some balance exercises and skipped rope for a few minutes -- the first time since my wrestling days at John Adams Middle School. Time 2:15.

Today's workout

2009-04-29T21:25:00.000-06:00

Bike commute. That's all. Trying to get my ass to bed by 10:00.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-29T21:23:00.001-06:00

Today The Awesome is the term “finding twine,” a sorely underused term -- just 262 hits on Google! -- for scoring a goal in a hockey game. I think Finding Twine will be the title of my ghostwritten autobiography, should I ever be an ex-pro hockey player.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-28T22:35:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome are finches. I was walking home from Wash Park last Saturday afternoon and stopped for several minutes to admire a pair of adorable black-and-white finches flitting from branch to branch, cheeping and cocking their heads this way and that. I watched, totally absorbed, as the smaller finch dropped to the side of the tree near a tiny knothole and disappeared inside, although I barely could have stuck my thumb in there. I briefly considered going to the pet store and buying a cage full of finches, until I remembered that it's cruel to keep birds in cages.

On a related note: do birds enjoy flying? Are they amazed that they can do it? Do they ever, while soaring above the treetops, think, "Holy shit! I'm flying!!!"

Today's and yesterday's workout

2009-04-28T22:23:00.003-06:00

Yesterday: 1.5-hour yoga class. This was the last of the Basics classes, so the nice lady offered to let me buy 6 class coupons for the price of 5 if I paid that night. I had been debating whether or not to continue taking classes at this studio -- even if I go just once a week, it's more than $50 a month -- but the sales pitch worked and now I'm locked in for the next six weeks at least.

Today: Bike commute, then to the gym for an hour of Pilates. The thing about Pilates is that it's really easy... if you're doing it wrong. If you're doing it right, it's quite difficult, even excruciating at times. Tonight I concentrated on keeping my abs scooped and tight.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-26T22:24:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is this idea I have for a scene in a movie, where the main characters would visit some august institution -- think the U.S. Senate or the World Bank -- and all of the U.S. Senators and World Bankers would be buff guys in Speedos. This gag would achieve maximum hilarity if none of the characters mentioned it or even seemed to notice. In this movie's universe, it would be perfectly normal for an amendment to a transportation bill to be introduced by a musclebound man sporting a shaved and oiled chest and wearing a tiny bathing suit.

You might not agree that this would be comedy gold. But you have to admit that it would represent a quantum leap forward for fairness and equality in America. How often are buff guys in Speedos depicted positively in American films? They're always idiots and narcissists and douchebags who steal the hot girl from the nerdy protagonist. It's shameful that in the United States of America -- a nation that takes such pride in electing a black president, and has elected people of every race and religion, as well as atheists, gay people, and asshats -- a buff guy in a Speedo has never won election to any public office.

Today's workout

2009-04-26T22:13:00.002-06:00

Rode my bike to the gym for a short stint on the elliptical and then a half-hour Pilates class. Then I rode home, walked to Wash Park and ran a slow 2.5 miles, then walked home. It was a beautiful sunny day and about 60 degrees, but I wore tights (which are actually long johns) the whole time to keep my knees and calves (sore from lifting yesterday) warm. My knees felt fine all day.

Hours this week: 13.75
Hours this year: 178.75
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 701

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-25T22:54:00.003-06:00

Today The Awesome is planting trees at Utah Park in Aurora with a pretty lady. Happy Arbor Day!

Today's and yesterday's workout

2009-04-25T22:37:00.002-06:00

Yesterday: 22-mile bike commute. That's all.

Today: Went to the gym and did the full FrameWorks strength and stretching workout. Time 2:00. That time should come down as I learn the routine better. I've also been doing some isometric exercises to strengthen my quads, which I'm hoping will stabilize my bum knee.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-24T12:01:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is April, who declined to lay up for herself treasures upon earth -- where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal -- and bought me a tube of face scrub that has solved my disgusting mustache dandruff problem. The face scrub contains an amazing active ingredient called "sand" that exfoliates the hell out of the dead skin under my mustache. Thanks to you, April, our long national nightmare is over.

(By the way, using face scrub -- instead of Lava soap, or 40-grit sandpaper -- to wash my face, and using the word "exfoliate" unironically, does not make me The Gay. The face scrub comes in a gunmetal-gray tube with a pine tree drawing on the front, so anybody can see that it's for manly men.)

Today's workout

2009-04-23T23:50:00.000-06:00

Day off. Went to a movie theater downtown to see the live This American Life show being simulcast from New York. I'm a big fan of This American Life, so it was neat to watch Ira Glass and his crew of zany-voiced spoken-word ninjas on stage, although probably not worth the $20 ticket.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-23T16:55:00.001-06:00

Today The Awesome are squirrels. They're the beauty pageant contestants of the rodent family.

Today's workout

2009-04-22T23:13:00.002-06:00

Went to the gym for cardio, core, and the FrameWorks strength and stretching workout. I only got through half of the upper body exercises because I was checking the book a lot to make sure I was doing the lifts correctly. Time 2:00.

The FrameWorks guy recommends doing a single set of 12-15 reps with the lifts done v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y -- a four-count on the lift, a brief pause, then a four-count on the descent. The idea is develop strength across the entire range of motion, and to add emphasis to the negative lift, as compared to the way most people lift weights, which overemphasizes the bottom half of the lift up to the sticking point. This makes sense, but lifting so slowly (combined with my weak upper body) means that I have to use embarrassingly light weights. I could only do 10 reps on the bench press with a naked 45-pound bar, and for the lateral raises I had to use 5-pound dumbbells. I'm used to being the runt of the weight room, but tonight I found myself muttering, "There's not one of you steakheads who can run 50 miles or skate 24 hours" even more than usual.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-22T12:01:00.000-06:00

Today The Awesome are* these phone and fax numbers I got from an accounts payable clerk today:

(419) xxx -8756 and (419) xxx-7963

Can you figure out why? I'll put the answer in the comments.

EXPLANATORY NOTE FOR CANADIAN READERS: In the American English dialect, "The Awesome" is its own plural, like "moose" and "shitmoose."

Today's workout

2009-04-21T21:52:00.002-06:00

Bike commute, then to the gym for an hour of Pilates, which was hard, because Pilates is hard -- I am constantly cursing myself for failing to scoop my abs. But it is oh so good for me.

Then I came home and polished off a dark chocolate Easter bunny -- for the antioxidants, of course; chocolate makes me want to vomit -- while watching a swimming instructional DVD. For the sake of balance and all-around fitness, I want to add swimming to my workout matrix/rubric/schema/conspiracy, but sadly, I'm a terrible swimmer: my freestyle stroke is an awful display of thrashing and gasping and craning my neck to make sure I don't run into the wall. I've looked into swimming lessons, but for adults the only option seems to be private lessons, which are too expensive.

Weighed in at 152 this morning, down 1 pound from last week.

WHAT I LIKE TODAY: Your daily dose of The Awesome

2009-04-21T17:21:00.002-06:00

Today The Awesome is that the word “anal” has become perfectly acceptable to use in polite conversation -- as long as you hide it in the phrase “anal retentive,” much like concealing your dog’s worm pill in a bit of ground beef. People who would never refer to their penis or vulva in front of casual acquaintances, or even say “I have a carbuncle on my anus,” nevertheless feel perfectly comfortable saying, “I have to have my picture frames perfectly level. I’m so anal!” Sweet.

Today's workout

2009-04-20T21:45:00.002-06:00

Bike commute. Then I rode to the yoga studio for a 90-minute class. Time 3:15.

Yoga is going pretty well. Even though the poses we're doing don't look terribly difficult, for me they are quite challenging. Typically we assume some position and then go through steps of aligning and lengthening our bodies, with each pose held longer than in other yoga classes I've taken. It's hard to believe that standing straight with my hands in the air can be so taxing!

Today's workout

2009-04-19T21:12:00.002-06:00

Went for a half-hour run/walk for April, as we are preparing to run legs on a marathon relay team in four weeks. My knee felt a little janky, but didn't hurt much. Later I did 15 minutes of balance exercises -- which mostly means trying to stand on one foot with my eyes closed and my hands behind my back, with my other foot raised to knee level. I can usually hold this for 30 seconds at best before pitching to the side like a drunken stork. I'm surprised at how lousy my balance is given that my primary sport is skating, which would seem to require good balance.

Hours this week: 8?
Hours this year: 165
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 596, Bike 624

Another announcement

2009-04-18T16:17:00.002-06:00

After a great deal of thought, I have decided to postpone my world record attempt until next summer.

Primarily I made this decision because I don't believe that my body (and especially my left knee) can tolerate the strain of training for the world record this summer. A lifetime of imbalanced training has left me with an imbalanced body -- strong in many areas, but too weak and inflexible in others. I'm afraid that pushing forward with this year's training schedule as planned will break one of these weak links, either forcing me into a lengthy recovery or compromising my performance on race day, as happened last year.

With this in mind, I plan to spend the rest of this year researching injury prevention and using this knowledge to build a strong, flexible, balanced, and resilient body that can handle the hundreds of hours -- and thousands of miles of skating -- that I'll need to log to break the world record. I'm also looking forward to attending another Eddy Matzger seminar and working on my form and technique, which is the weakest part of my skating.

Additionally, I've been considering some new ideas regarding the character of the world record attempt. Originally I had intended to make an unofficial, cheap-skate, plain-jane attempt that would consist of me skating laps at Denver's Washington Park one summer weekend (you can read about my reasons for wanting to do an informal attempt here). However, with time I have realized that this is a bad idea, for a number of reasons: the city denied my request for permission to skate overnight; the typical weekend Wash Park traffic of pedestrians, cyclists, dogs, and kids on tricycles hinders me considerably; and Wash Park has hills, as well as sprinklers that soak the course at night with reeking pond water.

So I'm now looking for a closed, flat course where I can set an official Guinness World Record. I'm also considering organizing an event with multiple skaters vying for the world record over the same 24 hours, and combining all of this with a charity fundraiser. All of this will require a lot of energy and time to plan, which is why I'm starting now. I will be posting details as the picture becomes clearer.

I'm a little disappointed to be postponing an event that I've been looking forward to for more than two years, but mostly I'm happy that with the extra time I will be able to organize an exciting event, and most of all that I'll be able to give the world record my best possible effort. I wish good fortune to Philippe Coussy with his own world record attempt this fall, and I look forward to hearing about his result. Godspeed, mon ami!

An announcement

2009-04-14T20:36:00.002-06:00

So. I haven't posted What I Hate Today for a couple of days because I've decided to stop doing it. I have a lot of important stuff to post regarding the world record attempt, and I haven't gotten around to posting it because I've been obsessed with babbling, every day, about my disdain for sauerkraut, or guys who surreptitiously flex their abs while removing their shirts in the gym locker room, or the number 8.

More importantly, I'm quitting WIHT because the negativity of dwelling on what I dislike in life -- every day -- has started to weigh on my soul. I've even been carrying around a little notebook so that when I think of something I hate, I can write it down and post it as a WIHT item later. Which reminds me of something I read a while back: apparently multiple studies in the field of positive psychology have demonstrated that people who spend time every day writing down, and thinking about, the things they are thankful for in life, tend to grow happier over time. If that's true, what would happen to the happiness of a man who spent time every day writing down, and thinking about, the things he hates?

So I'm going to spend the rest of week posting new information about the world record attempt, and then I hope to get around to some other kind of daily non-WR-related posting, maybe What I Love Today or some such. It will be interesting to see if it's harder to make funnies while writing about The Awesome.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-11T18:39:00.001-06:00

Today I hate getting tamarind paste out of my mesh strainer.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Positive Friday!

2009-04-10T18:39:00.001-06:00

Today I love Philippe Petit, the Frenchman who in 1974 sneaked into the just-constructed World Trade Center in New York City, strung a 450-pound wire between the Twin Towers, and spent 45 minutes walking more than 1,350 feet above the ground. During that time he completed at least six crossings, taunted the policemen waiting on each tower to arrest him, sat down and stared into the void, and even reclined on the wire and conversed with a seagull. Surely it was for this man that the French coined their word panache.

Philippe’s story is told in Man on Wire, a documentary that recounts, in film noir style, the details of his outrageous caper. The movie reveals Petit to be an utterly charming man, a red-haired imp bursting with joie de vivre and total confidence in his talent. As I watched him walk across the sky, I found myself identifying with his quest for the impossible, and with his desire to create something beautiful and fantastic. I will be thinking about M. Petit often as I pursue my own quest (a pursuit, coincidentally enough, in which my rival is a red-haired Frenchman named Philippe).

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-09T21:14:00.003-06:00

Today I hate Americans who refer to soccer -- while speaking to other Americans -- as "football," a pure affectation born from a desire to appear European and sophisticated. For bonus points, some of these people pretend that because they spent a few months studying abroad in London or Madrid, they have actually forgotten that Americans call the sport "soccer."

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-08T20:35:00.003-06:00

Today I hate my retardo phone. You see, I've learned the hard way that if you rub its little phoneclit (also known as the "on” key) for a few seconds, it will get very excited and have a little phonegasm (also known as “calling 911”). I don't do this on purpose, of course, but due to the complicated physics properties of my left pants pockets,* it happens every so often by accident. I know when it happens because I get a call back from the Denver Police Department, which I do not answer.

Right now you are saying, "Hey, why don't you lock your phone's keypad?" Ha ha, I am way ahead of you! I do lock the keypad, of course, but the phonegasm function works even when the keypad is locked. Which would seem to defeat the purpose of locking the keypad. But what does a Harvard dropout like me know?

*Or occasionally when I'm enjoying some frottage on the C train.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-07T23:45:00.003-06:00

Today I hate Harvard University,* which keeps sending me alumni fundraising letters and leaving voicemails asking for money. Hey, Harvard -- you are aware that I didn't graduate, right? Don't you think it would be a good idea to keep lists of such things? But, while we're on the topic, I'll offer you a deal: I send you a few lousy bucks to add to your bloated $28.8 billion endowment, and you send me a diploma. Whaddya say?

*EXPLANATORY NOTE FOR CANADIAN READERS: Harvard is America's McGill.

Today's workout

2009-04-07T23:44:00.001-06:00

Played three games of racquetball with Rain, time 1:30. Knee felt a little janky but not too bad. My left groin was a little sore after yesterday's yoga class.

Today's workout

2009-04-06T22:28:00.002-06:00

Went to my first Iyengar yoga class, 1.5 hours. I learned that Sanskrit is hard to understand, and that I must slouch a lot because it hurts to keep my back straight. This is the first of four basic classes, so it was pretty light. I'm looking forward to more classes.

Weighed in at 154 this morning, up 3 pounds from two weeks ago. No great surprise given the combination of gluttony and sloth I've been enjoying.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-06T22:26:00.002-06:00

Today I hate the flaking skin on my upper lip under my mustache, which would be pretty disgusting if it wasn’t rendered nearly invisible by my mustache. I didn’t have this problem before I grew facial hair -- why does having a mustache cause my skin to flake? I suppose I could use some kind of lotion or ointment, but to apply it I would have to shave my mustache, in which case my skin wouldn’t flake and the lotion or ointment would become unnecessary. Excuse me while I formulate this problem into a submission to Dermatology Koans Weekly Digest.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (March Madness Edition!)

2009-04-05T23:59:00.001-06:00

Today I hate free throws. In other sports, penalties and fouls create exciting situations: power plays in hockey, yardage gained or lost in football, penalty kicks in soccer. In basketball, however, a foul causes the action to stop completely for a very boring ritual involving nine talented athletes standing around while one guy, unopposed, shoots a couple of leisurely baskets. This happens two dozen times or so each game, and if the game is close at the end -- that is, if one team is ahead by less than 10 points -- it will happen every other possession, causing the last two minutes of game time to drag for 35 minutes in real time. Yawn.

Today's workout

2009-04-05T18:09:00.002-06:00

Nothing. Going to a yoga class tomorrow, though.

Hours this week: 0
Hours this year: 151.5
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 583

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-04T20:07:00.001-06:00

Today I hate lima beans. I guess. I don't think I've eaten a lima bean in 20 years, but as I remember they are quite disgusting.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Positive Friday!

2009-04-03T17:13:00.002-06:00

Today I love the Canadian flag. I love its elegant design: the national symbol rendered in red, on a white background, with red bars on either side. And that’s all. It’s spare without being too simple -- compare to the indistinguishable jumble of cross-on-a-background and nothing-but-stripes flags you see in Europe. The Canadian flag’s colors are basic and you can recognize it immediately. It’s a clean, square-jawed, common-sense kind of flag, which is my impression of the Canadian people themselves.

From a design standpoint (that is, nothing to do with politics or national pride) I like the Canadian flag better than the US flag. The Stars and Stripes is not a bad design, but for my taste it is a bit busy and overly freighted with symbolism -- 50 stars for the 50 states! Thirteen stripes for the 13 colonies! The red represents the blood spilled in the Revolution! Et cetera! Remember when you were a kid trying to draw the American flag, and you couldn’t get all the stripes the right width, or get all fifty stars in the blue field, let alone in the right pattern? But I bet Canadian kids can draw their flag, albeit with lopsided maple leaves.

In defense of Old Glory, I will say that it beats out the Mexican flag, which has nice colors, but I can’t stand the cluttery coat of arms in the middle.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-02T22:10:00.002-06:00

Today I hate when I'm eating something fairly mild -- a Chipotle burrito, say, or a slice of spinach feta bread from Great Harvest Bread Co. -- when I bite directly onto a stray pepper seed or a speck of peppercorn, releasing a unexpected and unwelcome burst of bitter heat, causing my face to pucker like a kindergartner tasting his first lima bean.

Today's workout

2009-04-02T22:08:00.000-06:00

Nothing really. Looked into swimming lessons.

Today's workout

2009-04-01T22:42:00.002-06:00

Browsed the fitness books again after work, and picked up a tome named FrameWork, which -- despite the obnoxious CamelCased title -- seems to be just what I need: a comprehensive program of injury prevention for athletes through improving flexibility, core strength, diet, rest and recovery, etc. I'm looking forward to cracking it open tomorrow.

Also, at the urging of my yoga-ninja sister, I registered for a series of basics classes at a nearby Iyengar yoga center, to start on Monday.

I am enjoying my down time but I do need some physical activity -- the lack of stress relief has brought the usual headaches and tinnitus, plus I keep catching myself clenching my teeth. I hope I'm not grinding them in my sleep. I also have to force myself not to hunch over the steering wheel when I drive. Stress is weird.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-04-01T22:25:00.002-06:00

Today I hate this copy on a McDonald’s bag: “Every single egg we use throughout the year is individually inspected -- all 3 billion of them.”

McDonald’s, of course, wanted me to read this claim and imagine an eagle-eyed inspector in a sterile lab coat --I envision him wearing a monocle and speaking in a German accent -- exhaustively examining each egg and rejecting specimens that fail to meet McDonalds’s stringent standards. But how is anything like that possible? Even if an egg inspector can average 1 inspection per second (for 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, without going insane), McDonald’s would need more than 400 inspectors to meet the demand. My guess is that McDonald’s egg inspection process consists of bored employees trying not to fall asleep while crates of eggs on conveyor belts whoosh past.

And how do you inspect an egg, anyway? The part we eat is inside the shell, right? Maybe the inspectors look for broken eggs, and then inspect the contents. “Hey, this egg is perfect! Too bad we can’t use it, because the shell is broken.”

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-31T23:32:00.002-06:00

Today I hate Starbucks pastries, which look sumptuous in the display case but, upon purchasing, turn out to be dull and tasteless, as though Starbucks carefully zapped each scone and croissant with a Deliciousness Cancellation Ray.

My greatest disappointment came a while back when I bought a chocolate old-fashioned doughnut and rammed it into my face with gluttonous intent, only to find it dry and bland. How do you fuck up an old-fashioned doughnut? Hy-Vee and King Soopers make delicious OFDs, full of greasy chewy crunchy sugary goodness, but the world's biggest coffee retailer can't manage the feat? Or figure out how to buy pastries from someone who can?

Today's workout

2009-03-31T22:58:00.002-06:00

Went to a couple of bookstores to read about injury prevention, stretching, knee rehab, and such cheerful topics. Cracked a smile looking at The Russian Kettlebell Challenge: Xtreme Fitness for Hard Living Comrades by hirsute yet balding strongman Pavel Tsatsouline ("Master of Sports," which is apparently a real title in Russia). You owe it to yourself to look at the cover of his book.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-30T21:51:00.002-06:00

Today I hate when my employer starts blocking Facebook. Facebook, for chrissake... that's like blocking YouTube, or Hot Chicks with Douchebags, or PornHub! Tomorrow I'm sending an angry e-mail to the IS department demanding that employees be allowed to visit Facebook because... erm... because the productivity... uh... job satisfaction... maybe I better sleep on this.

Today's workout, also yesterday's, and the day before

2009-03-30T21:32:00.003-06:00

Nothing. Yeesh, I feel lazy. Gotta get back at it. Tomorrow. Or the next day.

Hours this week: 3
Hours this year: 151.5
Miles skated this week: 0
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 583

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (March Madness Edition!)

2009-03-29T14:11:00.002-06:00

Today I hate the term "Elite Eight," as used to name the round of the NCAA basketball tournament between the Sweet Sixteen and the Final Four. Am I the only person to notice that, even though "Elite" and "Eight" start with the same letter, they don't start with the same sound? The name smacks of desperation -- one imagines dull-witted journalists combing the "E" section of the dictionary to find a superlative to go with "Eight." Can't we just call the third round the Quarterfinals, or -- as The New York Times renders it -- the Round of Eight?

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-28T14:42:00.002-06:00

Today I hate the phrase "first off," as in "Billy asked me to the prom, and I said, 'first off, I don't date pedophiles."

I don't know why I dislike this phrase. Maybe because nobody ever says, "Second off," or "third off."

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Positive Friday!

2009-03-27T23:17:00.002-06:00

Today I love that when a hockey player gets called for a penalty, it's not enough that he has to leave the ice for two minutes -- he actually has to sit alone in a little box, apart from the other players, without any comic books or crossword puzzles, and think about what he did.

Also, I love Albi the Racist Dragon. Har!

Today's workout

2009-03-27T22:49:00.001-06:00

Nuttin', honey. Went to the Avs game and watched them lose to the Canucks. Boo.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-26T17:44:00.004-06:00

Today I hate when I tell someone that I'm training for a 24-hour race, and they say, "Oh... so... is that... is it to raise money for charity?" No, I explain patiently, it's an athletic competition, not the Avon Walk. (Not that there's anything wrong with the Avon Walk. But what I'm doing is quite different.)

Now, as it happens, my world record attempt probably will raise money for charity, just like most races. The Boston Marathon, for example, raises money for several charities, including Habitat for Humanity and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. But if I said I was training for the Boston Marathon, nobody would ask if I was doing it as a fundraiser, would they?

Today's workout

2009-03-26T17:26:00.003-06:00

Nothing. I got out of work at noon due to a snowstorm, and I've spent my afternoon in sweat pants and Mammoth jersey, puttering about doing household chores and watching movies ("Death of a President" is a surprisingly complex film). I've decided to spend this week resting (read: pouting and eating garbage) and next week it's back to the action, Jackson.

Today's workout

2009-03-25T21:58:00.005-06:00

22-mile bike commute. The morning ride was fine, but on the ride home I had to gear down to avoid pain in my knee. The pain was very minor, but at that low power output I shouldn't have any pain at all. I had been planning to go the gym for a yoga class or a core workout, but my aching knee and the chilly weather put me in a bad mood, so I came home instead.

My knee is not badly injured. I barely notice it during my daily routine, and during most skating workouts it's more annoying than genuinely painful or debilitating. Sometimes I feel like a wuss for breaking training for something that seems so minor. But I've been an endurance athlete for most of my life, and I have to trust my instinct when it tells me that, in its current condition, my knee can't handle four more months of vigorous training, including long skates of up to 10 hours.

I hate being injured. I hate not knowing how much time my knee will need to heal, and how it will affect my world record attempt. I hate missing out on the sense of accomplishment and progress that regular workouts bring. My body has become accustomed to massive quantities of exercise, and without my fix of physical exertion, I get headaches and tinnitus from unrelieved stress. And when I'm feeling depressed and adrift, I eat junk food to make myself feel better, a tactic that works wonderfully for as long as 8 seconds.

I'm trying not to get too down about this, because in the universe of possible problems this is a small one to have. I'm thinking positively about solutions. I'm trying to learn a lesson about letting go of attachment to silly achievements. I'm trying.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-25T13:51:00.002-06:00

Today I hate that I was going to write a post about how much I hate the ads on Facebook,* and then today on Facebook there’s an ad for “This American Life Live,” which I totally want to see, so I clicked on the ad. Dammit.

*I don’t mind that there are ads on Facebook, as long as Facebook remains free. But I hate the particular ads on Facebook -- it’s one of the most popular sites on the internet, and the best advertisers they can get are cheesy dating sites and “get your stimulus check” scams? It’s like watching the ads on daytime cable TV. Pretty soon FB will be running ads for shady personal-injury law firms.

Today's workout

2009-03-24T22:33:00.003-06:00

22-mile bike commute. Took it easy and my knee mostly felt okay, although my right quad felt a little sore after the morning ride. I tried the patellar strap for the evening ride and removed it before I went far -- it was uncomfortable and my knee hurt a little with it on.

Weighed in at 151 this morning, down 1 pound from two weeks ago, and no change from last week.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (Opposite Edition!)

2009-03-24T12:01:00.001-06:00

Today I love Augusta Ada King, Countess of Lovelace -- the first computer programmer. Did you know that the first computer programmer was a woman? Today is Ada Lovelace Day, when I and 1,620 other people have pledged to blog about the achievements of this brilliant scientist, or at least to link to her Wikipedia page. While you're there, why not also read about Marie Curie, Grace Hopper, and Barbara McClintock? Then, go make your daughter do some algebra problems.

Today's workout

2009-03-23T23:03:00.001-06:00

What workout? Monday is my day off, except when it's not.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-23T11:32:00.002-06:00

Today I hate that all countries use the Roman alphabet, and sometimes even the English version of their countries’ names, on their national sports teams’ jerseys for the Olympics, or the World Cup, or other international competitions. I noticed this again last night while watching the USA-Japan game at the World Baseball Classic. How cool would it have been if the Japanese players had been wearing jerseys with their nation’s name spelled out in… oh, I don’t know… Japanese? Instead the jerseys said “Japan”* (although I noticed that the McDonald’s ad on the sides of their helmets was in Japanese).

How would we like it if America’s national teams played in jerseys that said “EEUU” or something unintelligible (to us) in Arabic or Korean lettering? The only national team I know of that ignores the Roman alphabet is Russia’s hockey team, which follows the tradition of the Soviet Union’s terrifying “CCCP” jerseys by rendering its nation’s name in Cyrillic calligraphy. Is it any coincidence that the resulting jersey is super-sweet?

*Oddly enough, it seems that Japanese baseball teams, playing each other in Japanese baseball leagues, use English names and Roman lettering on their uniforms.

Today's and yesterday's workout, and also the day before

2009-03-22T23:23:00.003-06:00

Friday and Saturday: I rested.

Today: Rode my bike to the gym for leg strength, core strength, balance, and stretching. Time 1:30.

I get occasional twinges in my left knee, but if I stay in low gears on the bike it feels fine. I picked up a patellar ligament strap -- according to the reading I've done, this eliminates pain for some people. I wore it while riding my bike today but it's hard to tell if it's doing any good.

Unfortunately, it now feels like I've slightly strained a muscle in my right quad. I'm going to take this next week even easier then this week -- no leg strength, just easy bike commuting and stretching and balance exercises along with core exercises and maybe some yoga. I've been thinking a lot about what this all means for my record attempt and I'm hoping to post something about that in the next few days.

Hours this week: 5
Hours this year: 148.5
Miles skated this week: 6
Miles this year: Skates 594, Bike 536

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (At Least It's Right Twice A Day Edition, Part the Fourth)

2009-03-22T12:01:00.003-06:00

Today I hate this clock in front of a fly-fishing shop on 6th Avenue, which like its brothers has been sentenced by an apathetic owner to display the wrong time in perpetuity, in this case 6:01:30. So very cruel and sad.

This photo taken at 3:37. As far as you know.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-21T12:01:00.002-06:00

Today I hate the green tea latte at Starbucks, which comes in an alarming bright green color and somehow tastes like fish. How is it possible to combine green tea and milk to produce a fishy flavor? I took two sips and dumped the stuff in disgust -- I could have sworn they blended a sardine into the thing.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (March Madness edition!)

2009-03-20T17:29:00.001-06:00

Today I hate most scoring systems for March Madness pools, which usually work something like this: 10 points for first-round winners, 20 points for the second round, 30 points for the third round, etc. Why not divide out the 10 -- the greatest common divisor, yo -- and award 1 point, 2 points, 3 points, and so on?

Or maybe basketball itself should copy the pools and start counting 20 points for field goals, 10 points for free throws, and 30 points for long-range field goals. How thrilling it will be when Connecticut beats Gonzaga 770-680 in the title game, with Stanley Robinson scoring 350 points for the Huskies!

I think I’ll start a March Madness pool that scores 17.718 points in the first round, 35.436 points in the second round, 53.154 points in the third round… stop me when this becomes hilarious…

WIHT BONUS! I’m learning to play Bridge, which suffers from the same problem: 30 points for tricks in Spades and Hearts, 20 points for tricks in Clubs and Diamonds, 40 points or 30 points for No Trump tricks, bonuses of 700 or 500 points… divide out the 10, dammit!

Today's workout

2009-03-19T23:23:00.002-06:00

To the gym for leg strength, core strength, stretching, and balance. I've eliminated jumping exercises (they can aggravate the kind of knee pain I'm having) and added leg extensions where I lower the weight slowly (this develops the VMO quad muscle, which some people think can stabilize the knee). Time 1:30.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-19T18:47:00.001-06:00

Today I hate this copy on the back of the Altoids Smalls tin: “35% FEWER CALORIES THAN OUR REGULAR MINTS. CALORIE CONTENT HAS BEEN REDUCED FROM 0.8 TO 0.5 CALORIES PER 0.2g OF MINTS.”

This is too obvious to bother typing out, but anybody trying to lose weight by saving 0.3 calories per breath mint has a long row to hoe. A long and very stupid row.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-18T22:52:00.001-06:00

Today I hate being injured. More tomorrow.

Today's workout

2009-03-18T22:11:00.002-06:00

Skated a couple of slow laps at the park. The idea was to find out if I could skate slowly without my knee hurting. The answer is no.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-17T21:13:00.003-06:00

Today I hate soccer jerseys that would be totally cool if they didn't have a huge corporate logo pasted smack in the middle of the chest. Check out this Arsenal jersey, for example: not only is Arsenal a sweet name for a team, but the cannon logo is very classy. Too bad it's relegated to a tiny crest over the left titty, its coolness overshadowed by the enormous "Fly Emirates" slogan that dominates the design.

Today's workout

2009-03-17T21:11:00.002-06:00

22-mile bike commute. Did some reading on the interwebs about patellar tendonitis.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-16T19:11:00.000-06:00

Today I hate Trader Joe’s, for not existing in Colorado. Actually, I don’t believe that Trader Joe’s exists at all. It’s some sort of grocery store masturbation fantasy for coastal dwellers, combined with a bizarre plot to make those of us in flyover country feel like drooling troglodytes for shopping at Whole Foods, where a quart of spicy guac costs $22.50.

Today's and yesterday's workout

2009-03-16T13:44:00.001-06:00

Yesterday: Skated 74.0 miles in 5:00:00 (14.8 mph), HR 74%, temp 60-65. The weather was perfect for skating, and the first 3 hours passed easily. But along the way my left knee stiffened and ached slightly, both quads felt tight just above my knees, and a spot in my right upper/inner thigh flared each time I planted my right foot. My heart rate started to climb as I tried to maintain 15 mph. Nothing hurt enough to cut the skate short, but with an hour to go I let up on the throttle to avoid getting hurt.

I’m going to take it easy and recover this week. I’m ahead of last year in terms of both distance and speed, and there’s no reason to risk an injury that could set me back weeks.

Numbers:
Calories: 1250 (250 cal/hr)
Fluid: 2600 ml (520 ml/hr), took 1 potty break
Weight: lost 1 pound, which is fine

Hours this week: 16.25
Hours this year: 143.5
Miles skated this week: 121
Miles this year: Skates 586, Bike 502

Today: What workout? Monday is my day off, except when it’s not.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-15T23:02:00.002-06:00

Today I hate when I'm telling someone about a funny scene in a movie, or a funny skit from a sketch comedy show, or about something funny that I read the other day, and halfway through I can tell that I'm completely failing to communicate the hilarity of the funny that I witnessed, but I blunder ahead anyway. This always ends with an awkward pause and an exchange like this:

Friend: "Yeah... that sounds funny."

Me: "I guess you had to be there."

Why do I bother trying to explain other people's funnies? It's utterly futile.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-14T16:38:00.002-06:00

Today I hate Jim Cramer. Not for the reasons everyone is talking about. But because he rolls up his sleeves like that.

Today's workout

2009-03-14T16:37:00.001-06:00

Rode my bike to the gym for plyos and core strength. Then skated 16.9 miles in 1:07:02 (15.1 mph), HR 72%, temp 60.

Today's workout

2009-03-13T23:59:00.000-06:00

22-mile bike commute. My legs felt kind of trashy so I took it easy.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (At Least It’s Right Twice A Day Edition, Part the Third)

2009-03-13T16:30:00.001-06:00

Today I hate this clock in front of a yoga studio on South Broadway, which like its brothers has been sentenced by an apathetic owner to display the wrong time in perpetuity. So very sad. And what the hell is “Kawai Time”? There’s a piano company called Kawai, so maybe this building used to be a Kawai store? If so, how good can their pianos be if they can’t make their public clock tell the correct time, or even display the correct number of hands?

This photo taken at 6:38, as far as you know.

The north face of the clock can’t even be right twice a day!

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy (SarahPAC edition!)

2009-03-12T12:01:00.001-06:00

Today I get to hate Sarah Palin again, because SarahPAC sent me a money-grubbing email! Disappointingly, I only found two errors ("low taxes" is misspelled as "law taxes," and the email ends with "Sincerely" but is not followed by a name). But it feels so, so good to hate Sarah Palin again.

WHAT I HATE TODAY: Your daily dose of negative energy

2009-03-11T22:31:00.001-06:00

Today I hate when I bite my lip or tongue while I'm chewing. Good to know that I've owned this mouth for 35 years and still haven't figured out how to use it yet.